Today is my 39th birthday. I know. Women aren’t supposed to tell anyone their age. I don’t really subscribe to that thought. I have worked hard to make it through my 39 years and I am proud of that. Plus, I’ve been saying I was 39 all year and thought I was going to be 40 today until I did the math.
I’ve heard the memory goes as you age, but I didn’t think it would go this quickly!
I now have a second year of being 39! Inorite? I get one more year before the dreaded 40, an age where I’ve heard that everything starts falling off (but not the things that you want to fall off– like the middle-age spread). I might have a 3rd year of 39 just to be safe.
Not enough candles, but you get the idea!
In the past week leading up to this glorious day, I’ve done some thinking. I don’t know about you guys, but this is the time when I look back at my year and see how I’ve done. Forget New Year’s Day– that is for everyone else. I’ve got to be different! Oh, side note: July 2nd is halfway through the year. I didn’t know that. My friend told me. I didn’t research it so if I’m wrong, let me know. I’ll probably forget though. Because I forgot I was 38, remember?
This year’s taking stock of my life has been very different from all of the others. Usually I get very depressed and think of all of the things that have gone wrong. I focused on how worthless and imperfect I was. Death loomed ever closer in my mind and I would never be able to make something of myself. I usually spent a whole week alternately crying and getting angry. I hated my birthday and never wanted to celebrate it. Well, this year I did none of that. Okay, that wasn’t completely true. I did cry a little last night, but I think it was more because I was worn out and it was late and I forgot to eat dinner. Probably. Still, it was only about ten minutes long, if that, and I fell asleep right after.
Instead of looking at my life negatively, I’ve chosen to look at it differently. Even thought there were difficult times, I made it through them. Sometimes I learned something about myself. Sometimes I was just happy to get out of it with only a few scratches on my psyche. Amazingly, the scratches were few. I’ve become a much stronger woman because of it. The difference is that I’ve actually been in a state of mind where I could actually see the strength. Part of it I attribute to finally finding the correct melange of medicine. The majority of it, though, is all me. Yes, my meds have balanced my brain chemistry, but I have chosen to do the work to make myself stronger.
Happy birthday to me.
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All photos that are not mine are under a CC license. For more information about this wonderful resource, go to www.creativecommons.org
(The post in which I confess something astonishing)
Let me say this first. I am not a raging feminist, but I do believe that women and men should be treated equally. All people are different and have qualities that could (potentially) make the world a better place. It is one of the wonderful things about humanity. This week I’ve seen so many posts with males flaming females for stepping out of their “gender roles” and broadcasting that they are gamers. Now, we all know that gamer girls have been around since games first began. Just because we have lady parts doesn’t mean that we don’t play. We just haven’t had a medium to share our love of gaming. While there are many, many supportive men out there who love the fact that girls got game, there seems to be a very loud minority who is threatened by this.
My favorite geek girl, Felicia Day (creator of The Guild, “I’m the One that’s Cool,” member of the Vaginal Fantasy Book Club-can’t wait to see who finds my blog searching this- and an all around awesome person), recently created this song/video:
It is full of all sorts of awesome. The sad thing is that little trolls started flaming her for it, saying that girls will never really be gamers and worse things than that. She explains it better in her blog. If you have time, check it out. It made me think, though. I’ve always been accepted as a gamer.
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Confession time (a.k.a. don’t judge, ya’ll):
I spent hours making characters.
When I was younger, I used to sit with my brother and his friends and play Dungeons and Dragons. I played Vampire: The Masquerade on a BBS where I was a sysop. I was a dungeon master, a good one– it is telling stories, after all. I have a huge collection of dice; I love the way they feel in my hands. I loved RPG-ing. It was social and imaginitive and I NEVER once worshiped the devil. Never. It was good for me. It kept me out of drinking/druggy parties that the “typical” teenager participated in. I wasn’t limited to in-person gaming. Some of my favorite games on my first computer were the Ultima series. I love RPGs, electronic or in person, and I have for as long as I remember. I still do.
I play World of Warcraft with my family and when I need to de-stress. Sometimes reading a book isn’t enough of an escape and I have to attack wee beasties. It is also one of the ways I can keep in contact with my brother, niece, and nephew. We are more apt to have a conversation online than anywhere else. Sometimes I log on just to say “hi.” Weird, right? Once again, it is the social aspect that I enjoy the most. And the stories. And the graphics.
So, there is my confession. =)
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I was always accepted in my group of gamers. I think they kind of liked the fact that I was an actual, real life girl. I have a special place in my heart for those boys. I guess this is why this hit me so hard this week. I have seen so many examples of male resistance to the acceptance of females in gaming. I never realized that it was a problem faced by many of my fellow female gamers. I didn’t realize how afraid these boys are of girl gamers.
When I started online gaming, I would let other players know that I was female. I am not one to hide who I am. Then I started noticing a difference in the way that they treated me. They weren’t mean or anything. They just tried to get me to talk… well… dirty with them. Yuck, right? I warned them once and if they didn’t stop, I blocked them. It got to a point where I only talked to people that my brother and I knew in real life. It was disturbing, but not enough to make me stop playing.
I figured that my experience may be totally different from the experience of younger girls so I decided to interview my niece. Just so you know, I barely got a C in my journalism class in college so my interviewing skills may be a wee bit less than stellar. It’s not my fault! I just thought important things were important; my professor thought differently. Anywhoo, my darling niece is 13– making my brother really, really old (love ya!). She plays video games and MMORPGs like WoW and she plays them well.
Rilin my niece’s kick-butt rogue
She raids, does PvP, and battlegrounds. Often she takes other noob characters under her wings and helps them get through tough places. She is the whole package and then some. So, here goes on the interview:
Me: Do people treat you differently when they find out that you are a girl?
Rilin: Sometimes they stop talking to me because of it. They’ll talk to my brother, but not me.
Me: Has anyone ever been mean to you?
Rilin: No, but the “there are no girls on the Internet” joke gets really annoying.
Me: How do your female friends who don’t game treat you when they find out?
Rilin: The ones who don’t make fun of me, but in a teasing way.
Me: What if the boy you liked told you to quit playing? Would you?
Rilin: NO! It is one of the things I really love.
I was happy that she wasn’t being treated horribly. Interestingly enough, while I was conducting this in-game chat with her, a “boy” in the guild was talking about wanting to give a woman a vaginal exam with gloves made out of metal filings. He had no idea that there were females playing. I don’t even think he considered it. Needless to say, I told him that we didn’t appreciate that kind of chat. Unfortunately, it took my 14-year old nephew to threaten him with getting kicked out of the guild for him to stop.
It seems that it is getting worse. Maybe it has always been like this and only now is it coming to light because girls are standing up for themselves. It is so frustrating when women have to fight for the right to be treated as a human being every single step of the way. Perhaps it will disappear because it is being talked about.
My shaman
Oh, if you want to feel a little bit disturbed, search “real-life Barbie.” I found it during my research for this post. I am still getting the heebees.
2011 has been a very action packed year. There has been good and there has been not so good. I started my Masters degree, then changed it to a different one that I feel will give me tons of opportunities that I never had before. My husband and I grew closer after nine years of marriage. I lost my father-in-law who I never realized how much I loved. My daughter started kindergarten and I didn’t cry (much). I’ve gotten closer to my family. My father actually learned how to text! I’m working on a post about that. There is so much more, but I didn’t intend this post to be a recollection of the occurrences of the year. Moving on.
This New Year’s Eve, I will be sitting safely at home and snuggling with the love of my life. There will be no wild party, no alcohol, no excess. Well, maybe we will eat a bag of Cheetos– best way to ring in the new year as far as I’m concerned. This year, we might even make it to midnight. No, probably not. We are an “old” married couple that figure it’s the new year somewhere and sleep is sacred, especially when you know your five-year old daughter will be up at the crack of dawn the next morning. This is how I love to spend my New Year’s Eve.
As everyone knows, this is the time for people to make resolutions. It is a fresh new year to undo all of the things you did the year before. I have always made resolutions. I can honestly say that I did not stick with any of my resolutions from the beginning of the year. When I was younger, I made crazy ones that were unattainable. As I grew older, I tempered them. Still, I often fell short of the goal that I set. I blamed it on myself. I would beat myself up over my perceived failures and then feel guilty about not being good enough/strong enough/smart enough to follow through. I don’t want to do that to myself this year.
This year I have one resolution: I will do things that give me happiness.
I believe that is the only resolution I need and I am pretty sure that I will be able to keep up with it.
Happy New Year, my friends. May your resolutions be attainable and may you find all that you seek in the new year.
My summer professional development included two book studies. My favorite book out of the two was definitely Teach Like a Championby Doug Lemov. The book contains techniques that master teachers use on a daily basis to help students succeed. Each technique is broken down into a key idea, rules/methods, and examples. The book not only details the steps for each technique, but it also includes a DVD that shows video of master teachers modeling them in a real classroom. It is a book that you can read in little pieces, something that I really appreciate being a mom.
As I was reading the book, I kept on seeing things that I do without thinking. I realized that the ways I reacted were not the most conducive to encouraging student achievement. The techniques given were fixes that were logical. In fact, Lemov’s suggestions are easy and, if done consistently, become good habits.
One of the techniques that really stood out to me was number 43 called “Positive Framing.” The key idea behind Positive Framing is: “Make corrections consistently and positively. Narrate the world you want your students to see even while you are relentlessly improving it” (p. 205). The essence of this technique is to live in the now and be positive about what you are asking the students to do. It does not mean that you only talk about the positive things that students do. It means that you focus on interventions for behavior, but you do so in a positive manner. You have the expectation that students will behave a certain way and you use reminders instead of guilt/punishment to maintain the direction that you want the class to go in.
I was really struck by the rule “assume the best” (p. 205). According to Lemov, it is important to not “attribute to ill intention what could be the result of lack of distraction, lack of practice, or genuine misunderstanding.” Now, I feel that I am positive when it comes to my classroom manner. My students enjoy my class and generally feel good about themselves when they leave. However, when I ask my students to do something, I realize that I often frame it negatively.
Lemov, D (2010). Teach like a champion: 49
techniques that put students on the path to
college. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass. (p. 109)
For example, when I have a student that isn’t on task, I sometimes say, “If you don’t get on task, I am going to have to start requiring you to stay after school to make up time.” Lemov points out that, by stating it this way, I am assuming that the student will not stay on task. The solution is to say “Show me your best SLANT” and walk away “as if you couldn’t imagine a world in which (the student) wouldn’t do it” (p. 206). Of course, you may have to go back a couple of times to make sure that the student knows exactly what is expected, but it tells the student EXACTLY what you want him or her to do.
Imagine what it would be like if you started this at the beginning of the year? Off-task behavior would still be there, of course, but I bet it would be much easier to get the whole class back on track if you reacted positively by stating high expectations and standards. The entire book is like that. I kept on having “aha” moments as I worked through it. If are looking for a book that will improve your classroom management almost instantaneously, this is definitely a book to check out!
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Have you read a book this summer that really made you think? Leave me a comment because I’d love to check it out!
Quietly Askew 