Who, Me?

Condensed version:

mother, wife, teacher, technophile, sometimes blogger, always learning, loving life, staying positive (or at least trying to), occasionally interesting, slightly unpredictable

Longer version:

Huh. Well. I am a proud mom of a beautiful girl. She’s amazing, but I try hard not to gush too much about her. I am happily married to a fabulous man who spoils me rotten and not only lets me be myself, but also loves me for my craziness… er, I mean, quirkiness. I teach ninth grade English, currently. However, I am thinking that I may need a career change. Pretty sure of that, actually. Either that or the educational system needs to change. Too much is being done that doesn’t support student learning. I just can’t stand by that anymore and, well, I’m getting tired of fighting it. It will be interested in what the future brings.

I am currently working on my M.A. in English because I, apparently, have lost my mind. (More on this later.) My emphasis will be on writing, but it still is a rather silly thing to get your MA in. I wish I could do business or something practical like that, but my heart would not be happy. I tried going the logical way (Masters in Education) but I was miserable. Happiness is better than logic. At least that is what I keep telling myself.

My life is chaotic for many reasons. First… well, I am a mom, a wife, a teacher, a daughter, a sister, and all of the other things that people do. On top of all that, I have been diagnosed (I hate that word) with OCD, depression, and an anxiety disorder. Either that or I am bipolar. Too bad there isn’t a test you can take to figure it out. I think the reason why there isn’t one is because we were taught to never stick things in our ears. It is kind of an interesting roller coaster. Before I started my medicine, I never knew who I was going to be that day. The medicine really helps, though sometimes my crazy overwhelms the chemicals. I know my husband is happy that the roller coaster is a little more smooth now.

The medicine that I take for my OCD sometimes depresses me. The medicine I take for my depression sometimes makes me anxious. The medicine that I take for my anxiety sometimes makes me manic. Sometimes I just need to go sit in my shower with the water running in the pitch black to feel better. For the longest time, I thought that the way I felt was normal, that everyone felt the same. Then, it started getting worse. It took a bit for me to realize that it wasn’t typical and I began my search for something that would fix it. It has been a long process, but I think (I hope) that we’ve found a good balance.

I’m not telling you this so you feel sorry for me or anything like that. Thanks to people like The Bloggess who fight against the stigma of mental illness, I am brave enough to tell people. For the longest time, I felt like a failure because my brain wasn’t like everyone else’s. It shamed me to think that I was so horrible that I couldn’t even control my brain. It took many months of support and persuasion by my husband to continue taking my medicine. Thank goodness I did. I know now what a “normal” person feels like and I don’t ever want to go back.

Blogging is kind of funny for me because I freak out right before I push the publish button. I mean, what if it stinks? What if nobody cares? It’s really helping me make myself put myself out there. It is good for me to open myself up this way. I have met so many supportive people blogging. So remember, my blogging friends, ya’ll are part of my free therapy.

~E~

p.s. For a great post by The Bloggess about her battles with depression and anxiety disorder, click here. Also, if you ever want to get me a gift: Silver Ribbon Necklace.

p.p.s. If I disappear every once in a while– I am still alive. Sometimes I just need a break from everyone for my brain to settle down.

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11 thoughts on “Who, Me?

  1. @lgalavaz– Many of my colleagues tell me that I should get my Administrative certificate. I look at them and say, “Why do you hate me so much?”

    @lahikmajoe– I bet there is a quiz on the Interwebz about that. Of course, it won’t be as official as mine. 😀

  2. Wow! A side of you that I didn’t know about. Hey, no matter what the quirks are, I still love you for you who you are. You make me smile and I always feel happy to be around you. The Education system will be hurt if you do leave, but I 100% understand. The heart needs to be happy! What are you thinking of next? Can’t wait to hear.

  3. I LOVE your description of the meds. I went through a long process to find the right cocktail that cancels out all the side effects without turning me into a total zombie. Now I basically have it managed, which means I have no excuse for my behavior…

    • Too bad the cocktail is not an alcoholic one with a big teal umbrella served in a pineapple, right? We can’t have everything we want. I still have an excuse because my anxiety recurs about 10% of the time. Or at least that is what I tell everyone around me when I’m being … you know.

      Thanks for stopping by!

  4. Hello, Elizabeth, and welcome to the group of readers of diabeticredemption.com. I’m very happy that you’ve signed on. I have a Friends Page, and I’d love to have you tell the rest of us a little about yourself, and your blog, and be sure to include the URL, so my readers can link to your blog.

    Your story reminds me of me, in a lot of ways. Not details, although I am living with mental illness too; rather that questioning of my own ability. Do I write well enough? What if people hate what I write? I’ll tell you what I did; it’s going to sound selfish, but it has made me a much better blogger. Write what you want and need to write. Seven billion people are projected readers of what you write — could you ever possibly know what to write so that they will all care? Very early, maybe my tenth post, I came to this realization, with the help of my sister. Since then, way more people are reading and commenting and supporting my blog. You are free, of course, to tell me to lay off — I am just so amazed at the changes in my life, I can’t shut up! Once again, welcome!

    • Thank you for your response. My blog is still a baby blog, and I am learning so much every day. I’ve mostly stopped trying to be what I thought other people wanted. It is liberating to be myself!

      I will definitely go and fill out your friends page. Thank you so much for the comment.

      • I’m very glad to have you here. Baby blogs, or ten-year old blogs, (which in bloggy years is about 100,) this community needs them all, and yours is a rich addition to the group. If I can help you in any way, please let me know!

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