Content Warning: Implied Sexual Assault

Moving On

I sit on a stool in the D Bar J,
sucking on a $2.00 soda, the smell
of stale beer drifting through
the door that separates me
from the cottonwood mist outside. I hear
the pool balls smack, Chapin’s
maudlin in syncopation to my pulse. Smoke
from a cigar catches my refrain,
carries it to the elk head’s seven point
rack that plays cat-in-the-cradle with strands
of dreams abandoned. The mirror’s
gold etchings frame me; I see clutching
hands, sour-milk smile. I can feel
his smooth cheek, hot breath, dirty nails
streaking my face, his reeking weight. I want
to grasp a pool cue between my thighs
and rip out what he left behind, to probe
until I find the part of me that laughed
at jokes nobody else understood. But instead
I close my eyes, open my diamond smile, slip
my lips to that shape, and say Yes
to the next bearded cowboy that asks.

© Elizabeth Francois 2025

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The Story of the Poem

This summer, I had the opportunity to go back to where I grew up in Colorado. I have so many memories (and feelings) about where I grew up, so revisiting the places where I experienced so much sadness and joy was really hard. I will probably write a post about that one of these days. Today is not that day, though.

This was a poem that I wrote when I was in college in my creative writing classes that I recently pulled out of my pile of things. I did a little bit of reworking it, with some help with from my brother and sister-in-law. I am pretty proud of how it turned out. This poem is dark and not based on a single experience that I had. It is mostly fictional, but the elements of reality are definitely there.

I am not sure what the prompt was for this poem, but I based it off of a little cafe on the Grand Mesa in Colorado called the D Bar J Cafe. It was one of the only restaurants in the area and, on very very special occasions, my dad would take us there to eat. When we went back to visit last summer, the cafe was still there, but it had a different name.

Here is a picture of the bar, looking pretty much like I remember it looking. I know the picture is crooked, but it is what it is.